


Love at 18, then at 40.

by Sophiablue90



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Dinner, Drinks, F/M, Love, Meeting Again, Memories, More tags to be added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-18
Updated: 2016-09-28
Packaged: 2018-08-15 17:30:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8065858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sophiablue90/pseuds/Sophiablue90
Summary: What does Rafael Barba do when Lauren Sullivan, the girl he loved and would have killed for at the age of 18 walks into his life again at 40, newly divorced and with a daughter. Would loving her again be easy as it was back then, or will someone get in the way...





	1. Lauren

“Rafael Barba.”

His eyebrow raised at the sound of that voice. Velvety, gentle yet demanding. He put down his tumbler on the counter and looked over his shoulder towards the direction of the girl he hoped was standing behind him.

It was.

“Lauren Sullivan.”

She smiled widely and stretched out her arms. “Hi Raf” she said softly as he stood up and hugged her to his chest. 

His heart fluttered slightly at the tiny moan she released as he squeezed her briefly in his arms before letting go. He caught a scent of her all too familiar perfume. English Rose. It brought him back to high school again, memories of Lauren and him walking to and from school together, laughing at their classmates antics, discussing who was dating who.

He studied her face when she stepped back from his embrace and grinned up at him. Time seemed to stay still as he took in her wide eyes, her plump lips and her rosy cheeks. She was still the same as she was when they were 18 and madly in love. Images of them sharing a bed during the cold New York winters came back to him, kissing and huddling together under the thin sheets, cursing the old building they lived in that the central heating never worked. Innocent cuddles that became hotter as clothes were disregarded despite the cold. Hands roaming each others skin. Feeling her nipples poking his chest as he sucked her neck. Her groans as he rubbed her sensitive spot in constant circles, she in turn stroking him in matching rhythm. The feeling of warmth and tightness when he entered her, and how she dug her nails into his arms as her bottom lip dropped with pleasure. Their hips moving in time together, each chasing their release until they collapsed into the mattress, exhausted and satisfied. The feel of her salty sweaty skin under his lips as he grazed his teeth over her shoulder as he spooned her after.

He suddenly remembered that the girl he was reminiscing about was still standing before him now. He shook himself out of his flashbacks and turned his attention back to her. By the way her eyes were glistening, he knew she had only been remembering the same.

“It’s been so long Raf.” She spoke again, ending the dreamy silence between them.

“Too long.” Rafael gestured to the bar stool beside his own. “Do you have to be somewhere, let me get you a drink.”

She glanced down at her watch and bit her lip. Rafael suddenly felt saddened. Was she really about to disappear from his life as quickly as she had appeared again tonight? He wondered if she had a husband at home that was waiting for her to return to his arm. A quick glimpse towards her left hand showed no ring. He felt somewhat relieved but knew it didn't mean anything. She and her partner mightn't wear rings. Many couples didn't these days.

“Just one. Then I'll have to head home.”

She smiled as she sat beside him and he ordered the one and only drink she liked - rum and coke. He still remembered.

Rafael let his curiosity get the better of him. “Your boyfriend waiting for you?”

Her smile lessened and she tapped the coaster incessantly. Her nervous tick. Rafael recalled her doing that in the run up to exams when they would study at his kitchen table during the wee hours of the night. 

“No. I'm recently divorced actually.”

Rafael almost choked on his drink. “I didn't even know you were married.”

She held her lips in a tight line. “Ten years.”

Rafael whistled and shook his head. “It really has been a long time hasn't it.” 

She nodded sadly. 

“Do you mind me asking what happened?” Rafael instantly regretted asking so outright. Every time he was with her he felt he could tell her anything, and she could confide in him likewise. Maybe things had changed now that she had had someone else to talk to all these years.

“He stole from my parents. Money, jewellery, some old collectibles my dad had. All to fund his gambling and prostitute addiction.”

Rafael's eyebrows rose to his hairline. “Guess you never really know anyone until it's too late.”

“Hmm.” She stared into her glass. Rafael noticed her cheekbones were more prominent than when he knew her. Her hands were bony and her arms thin. The stress of betrayal.

“When was the divorce finalised?” 

“Today actually. I was on the way home from the courthouse and I stopped in here to use the restroom.”

He lay a hand on her fidgeting fingers. “I'm sorry.”

She gulped the remaining liquid in her glass. “I’m living with mum and dad in Brooklyn. Never thought we'd have to leave the apartment. He took everything.”

“How could the courts allow that, surely they could see he was the guilty party?”

She grimaced. “He’s a detective. A favourite with the judges.”

He tutted. His mind ran circles around the other word that caught his attention. “'we’?”

“My daughter Amy. She's six next month.”

He smiled. “Marriage, child and divorce. You’ve certainly done it all” he joked in an effort to lighten her mood. To his relief she laughed and ran her fingers through her dark brown hair.

“Gone are the days of smooching under the duvets and watching the snow fall from the window.”

The bartender replaced her drink, which she sipped gladly. “What about you? Wife, girlfriend?”

He shook his head and crossed his arms on the counter. “No. Work keeps me too busy to even have time to myself.”

She placed a gentle hand on his arm. “I heard about Alex and Yelena.”

“That was a headache for all concerned” he muttered, the whiskey burning his throat as he took a greater sip than intended. Alex was still in prison for possession of child pornography, his appeal being rejected every time. Yelena blamed him for breaking up their family.

“I meant what happened between you and her years ago.”

“That was a long time ago. Not worth mentioning.”

She nodded but said nothing. “How's Lucia and your abuelita?”

He let out a quivering sigh. “Mami’s ok. Abuelita passed away last year.”

He felt a warm hand on his back as she rubbed circles along his spine. “God Rafael I am so sorry.”

He said nothing, just swirled the last drop of amber in his tumbler. 

“If I’d known, I would have been at her funeral. For you and Lucia. She was such a lovely woman.”

Rafael turned to her. He realised that life had left them both lonely and bitter. She smiled sympathetically at him.

“Come over for dinner. I know mum would love to see you.” She whispered playfully, “you were always her favourite boyfriend of mine.”

He let out a sharp laugh. “I don't think your dad felt the same.”

She snorted. “He's just the typical protective dad watching over his only girl. Deep down he thinks it should have been you.”

He was confused. “Should have been me who what?”

“The one I married instead of Tony.”

They held each other's gaze. Rafael suddenly thought of how often they would tell each other they loved them when they were dating. Especially after making love. He yearned to return to those days when life was so simple.

“And I’d love for you to meet Amy.”

He smirked. “If she’s anything like you, she’ll be the most cheeky, talkative girl to walk the Earth.”

Lauren snorted loudly. Rafael gripped his toes in his shoes at the sound. God he missed her laugh.

“Yeah she's a handful. So is that a yes?”

He rolled his eyes but was eager to become part of her life again. Even as just friends.

“As long as it's your mum cooking, my stomach still churns at the thought of undercooked chicken and soggy pasta.”

She hit his arm playfully. “Believe it or not, my cooking skills have improved tremendously!”

His heart sank just a little when she stood up for her seat. “I must go. School day tomorrow and Amy is the best for delaying going to bed.”

Rafael grabbed his jacket and pulled out a couple of bills from his wallet. “Let me walk you out.” 

He rested a hand on her lower back as he guided her out of the bar onto the grey pavements of Manhattan outside. He tried to hail a cab but she stopped him.

“I’m going to Brooklyn Raf, I can't afford to take a taxi all the way to there.”

He frowned. “I don't know if I want you riding the train late at night.”

“It's only half seven, I’ll be fine.” She took a step closer and flashed a teasing smile. “You always cared about my welfare.”

He shrugged his shoulders and pulled her coat flaps shut to keep out the cold air. “Guess I always had a soft spot for you.”

She grinned and leaned forward to place a kiss on his cheek. His mouth watered at the scent of English Rose again. God he never realised how much he missed her. He just blocked everything out after they broke up.

“So Tuesday or Thursday for dinner?”

He wanted dinner now, not wait another week to see her again. 

“Tuesday works.”

“Excellent. I'll text you if the plan changes.”

She kissed his cheek again briefly before walking away down the pavement to the subway steps. She turned back and waved before she disappeared into the underground.

Fuck! He suddenly realised he didn't have her number. Her parents lived in the Bronx when they were growing up, he had no clue where they'd be in Brooklyn now! He held his briefcase tight as he skipped down the steps after her. He saw her swiping her MetroCard to enter the platform.

“Lauren! Lauren!” He shouted, attracting the attention of her and everyone else at the station.

“Rafael, what's wrong? You OK?”

He was out of breath. He really needed to start running again. “I...don't have...number or…..address.”

She held a hand over her mouth and laughed in embarrassment. “I'm so sorry. Here, give me your phone.”

She typed her details quickly and handed the phone back, their hands gliding over one another. Her hands were still as soft as ever.

“I would have found you anyway. I know where you work.”

He smirked and watched her walk to the platform. Forgetting himself he shouted after her again.

“I don't know where you work.”

He watched her laugh and step into the train that pulled into the station. “I'm a chef” she winked and waved again as the doors closed and the train belted away from the platform, taking her away from him.

He heard the rumbling sounds of low giggles coming from his left. He saw a man with braids topped by colourful hat, clutching his guitar in one hand as he carried a tattered suitcase in the other.

“Dude, you in love with that woman” he crooned. 

Rafael shot a stern glare in his direction, causing him to walk away laughing to himself.

As he made his way back up the concrete steps to the busy streets, the man’s words rang in his ears.

Damn. He was still in love with Lauren Sullivan.


	2. From Tuesday to Friday

Rafael adjusted his tie as he looked up at the house. A brownstone on a quiet street decorated with trees turning orange and red in the autumn air. He and Lauren were neighbours in the same apartment building in the Bronx when they went to high school. Rafael had heard that her dad Joe got a job in the government and moved his family out to Brooklyn. He remembered how Joe used to question him when he would pick Lauren up for dates. Where they were going, when he'd leave her home, who'd be with them. Rafael smiled as he recalled how Joe asked whether he'd be able to keep his hands to himself, much to Lauren's embarrassment. He loved how she'd pull him around the corner of their building and kiss him passionately, feeling carefree and young in his arms.

“Rafael Barba are you gonna stand there all night or are you gonna come in, we want to eat soon!”

Lauren appeared on the front step, the open door releasing a waft of gorgeous spices and herbs. Rafael felt his cheeks redden. He wondered how long they knew he had been standing out there. He walked up the steps and pecked her cheek gently.

“For you” he handed over the bunch of pink and white lillies. “I also have some wine for your parents. I think they like red, right?”

“Eager to impress” she teased him. She pulled him inside and closed the door behind him. He felt the uncontrollable urge to adjust his tie again as he followed her into the living room. He straightened his back when Joe stood from his chair and shook his hand.

“Rafael.”

“Mr Sullivan I hope you're well.”

He grunted. Rafael looked to Lauren for guidance but she dismissed her father's coldness. “Dad's annoyed that you picked the same night for dinner as the football.”

Rafael let out a laugh and let Lauren take his coat. He suddenly felt overdressed coming from work in a three piece suit. Joe looked him up and down before sitting back down and turning up the tv.

“Joe don't be rude.” Her mother Rosie came into the room and greeted Rafael warmly. “Hello Rafael, you're very welcome here.”

“Thank you” he smiled politely. “How are you keeping Mrs Sullivan?”

“Please Rafael, call me Rosie. I'm very well. I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Lauren told us the news, I know you were very fond of her.”

He thanked her and sat down on the settee opposite Joe, his eyes glued to the television.

“I'll just check on dinner, don't want it to burn.” Lauren excused herself.

“You cooked?” Rafael questioned her, amused.

“I told you, I'm a chef now.” She grinned as she left for the kitchen, leaving him with her parents.

“Would you like a drink Rafael? Some of the lovely wine you brought maybe?”

“There's scotch downstairs Rosie. Pour him a glass and one for me too.” Joe muttered, turning the remote in circles in his hand against the arm of the chair.

“I'll leave you gentlemen to it while I fetch your drinks.” Rosie left then too, leaving him with Joe.

“You look like a whiskey drinker.”

Rafael scoffed. “Yeah, work demands it sometimes.”

Joe stayed serious. “Lauren says you're a prosecutor in Manhattan now.”

“Yes.”

“Homicide?”

“Sex crimes.”

Joe raised an eyebrow. “Tough job.”

“Yes” Rafael nodded, wishing Lauren would come back soon.

Silence. Joe shifted in his seat, causing it to squeak. He concentrated his vision on Rafael fully. Rafael gulped in anticipation of what was to come.

“Remind me why you and my daughter broke up again.”

“I..em..Lauren decided it was for the best.”

Joe raised a sharp eyebrow. “Oh, so its my daughter's fault?”

Rafael felt his neck redden and his face heat up under scrutiny. He had faced the most brazen, arrogant attorneys in court. Yet under the bold eye of Lauren's father, he found himself speechless. He wiped his sweaty palms against his thighs, not daring to look down to see if they left a mark.

“No..I was leaving for university and we...didn't know if long distance would work” he stuttered.

“You were only in Boston. Harvard was where you went correct?”

“Yes dad Rafael went to Harvard and became a brilliant lawyer” Lauren's smile was like heaven's gates when she entered the room, leaving the kitchen door open and letting the most wonderful fragrant smells waft into the living room.

Joe grunted in response and stood up from his chair, gesturing to Rafael to do the same. “Dinner.”

He walked ahead, leaving Lauren to link arms with Rafael behind him. Rafael leaned into his touch, exhausted already from her father's interrogation. She smiled giddingly up at him and squeezed his forearm. “Bring back fond memories of when we were dating?”

Rafael let out an exasperated sigh. “He's gotten worse.”

She laughed out loud. “No shit Rafael.”

He smiled back at her and followed her to the kitchen table. Joe and Rosie were already sitting at their places, Joe sipping his long awaited beer and Rosie pouring the wine Rafael brought. Lauren tapped the top of one of the wooden chairs.

“Sit here Raf, mum do you mind calling Amy again?”

“No prob sweetie” Rosie said as she lowered the wine and left the table. Lauren placed plates in front of Rafael and Joe. He looked down to see his favourite – pulled pork, rice and peas, sweet plaintain.

“You cooked this?”

“Don't look so surprised! I told you, I'm a chef. Worked my way up from scrubbing pots.” She placed three more plates on the table and sat down in front of one, sitting beside him. “And worked my way up from uncooked chicken and raw potatoes.”

Rafael smirked, aware that he was under the watchful eye of Joe at the corner of the table. He took a bite of the pork and moaned without realising.

“Lauren, this is amazing. Almost as good as mami's.”

“It's rude to start eating before everyone is at the table” Joe muttered, making him uneasy again. Lauren shrugged her shoulders and lifted her own fork.

“If we have to wait til Amy gets here, it'll be cold – speak of the little madam now.”

Rafael turned around to see a small brown haired girl, hands on her hips and face twisted into a pout. “Mom I was almost at the end of my book, and we had to have dinner now?!”

He smirked at the girl, she was so similar to what Lauren was like when they were growing up. Lauren pointed to the empty chair beside Joe.

“You can finish it later, we have a guest. Sit.”

Amy went over to Rafael and to his surprise, shook his hand. “How are you Mr Barba?”

He laughed and watched her skip over to her seat. “Call me Rafael please, Mr Barba makes me feel so old.”

She snorted and Rafael couldn't help but glance over at Lauren. She was looking at her daughter with pride and love. Amy was a mini version of her. Bubbly, sharp and intelligent. Rafael couldn't help wondering what their children would have been like.

 

The rest of dinner went smoothly. There was plenty of laughter around the table, the food was absolutely delicious and Rafael had missed the family feeling of her house from when they were dating and he would be over for dinner often. After dessert, they retired to the sitting room. Joe turned the tv on loud and watched the end of his match. Rafael joined Lauren on the couch while Amy sat her granny's lap. Amy suggested they play Cluedo, her favourite board game. Rafael was given his character, Mrs Peacock and was met with roars of giggles and snorts from Lauren and Amy. It was only broken when Rosie called Lauren away for a phonecall, leaving Rafael and Amy to play alone.

“Are you dating mom?” Amy asked inquistively. She moved her character figure aimlessly around the board, looking up at him under shy eyelashes, waiting for an answer.

Rafael cleared his throat. “No, we're just old friends.”

“Do you want to date her?”

He felt himself blush. “We used to date in high school, many many years ago.”

Rafael watched her mull over his answers. “You didn't answer my last question Rafael.”

That sentence made him smile, it was so like something Lauren would say. “I know.”

“I think you should date.”

Rafael raised his eyebrow in shock. He was not expecting that. 

“I know dad hurt her a lot. That's why they don't speak. Mom cries everynight. For hours sometimes.” She looked up at him sternly. “I want mom to be happy like she was before.”

Rafael nodded and moved his character on the board. “You're very mature for a six year old.”

She smirked, just like Lauren did. “Actually I'm five and 11 months. I turn six in 4 weeks.” 

“Will you have a party to celebrate?”

Her mood dropped a little as she shrugged her shoulders. “I don't know, I don't have many friends at school. They tease me about dad.”

Rafael patted her shoulder reassuringly. “You don't need a huge group of friends, just one or two good pals is more than enough.”

“If I do something for my birthday, will you come?” She asked, hopeful.

“Of course” Rafael felt his chest puff out with pride. He was never good with people, his snarky attitude sending them away seconds away after meeting him. The fact it was Lauren's daughter, made this new little acquaintance even more special to him. His eyes were drawn upwards to Lauren walking back towards them, visibly shaken by whatever had transpired over the phone.

“Amy say goodnight to Rafael, its time to go to bed, school tomorrow.”

She moaned but hugged him tightly and whispered in his ear, “She's been talking to him. That's why she's upset.”

Rafael watched wordlessly as she ran up the stairs. How can someone so small be so smart and in tune with people? He stood up beside Lauren. “Everything ok?”

“Yeah, yeah.” She nodded a little too enthusatically. “Just Tony and his usual late night phonecalls. I have to be in work early so..”

“Sure” Rafael grabbed his jacket and said goodbye to Joe and Rosie as he headed for the door, Lauren trailing behind him.

“You'll come again won't you dear?” Rosie called after him.

“Already looking forward to it” he smiled and opened the front door. It was cold outside as he put on his jacket and buttoned it tightly.

“Sorry for rushing you out Rafael” he turned around to see her big, sad eyes.

“Not at all, you're tired” he rubbed her arms gently. She stepped into his touch and sighed.

“I hate it when he calls, it just puts me in a bad mood.”

Rafael stroked her cheek. “Just promise me you'll try to get some sleep.”

She nodded solemnly as he wrapped her in his arms. She rested her head against his shoulder and gripped the back of his jacket. He kissed her hairline and ran his fingers along her spine, feeling her shiver.

They stood there for what seemed like forever, neither one wanting to let go. A brief flicker of curtains drew Rafael's attention up towards the house. He saw Amy peeking out at them from upstairs. He let Lauren go.

“You'll get cold, better go inside.”

“You'll be ok getting home?” her voice was weak.

“I'll hail a cab” he turned to the road and stuck his arm out at the first taxi that came cruising down the street. He felt Lauren clutch his other hand.

“Let's do this again. It was nice.”

“I think..” Rafael teased, “we should definitely do this again. But at mine. With you and me only.”

That cracked a smile on Lauren's face. “Rafael Barba are you asking me out?”

“Maybe” he smiled, before growing serious. “Only if you want to, of course. I know everything is so fresh after your divorce and you're still grieving over all you went through - “

She held a hand over his mouth, the smell of chopped onions from her earlier preparations filling his nostrils. “I would love to.”

“Friday at 7.30pm ok?” He had never felt happier that she had said yes. He would have to make sure everything was perfection for her.

“More than ok” she kissed his cheek and reluctantly let him step into the taxi on the curb. He waved to her from inside as the cab sped away towards Manhattan. She walked up the front steps and looked one last time in his direction before closing the door behind him. 

His heart started beating faster and faster. Until Friday.


End file.
